:: Start
You’re walking through the neighborhood on your way to school when you notice something... oozy.
There’s greenish goop trailing down the sidewalk. It smells like pickles, regret, and expired glue sticks.
Could it be... a **Slobbler trail?**
You grip your backpack tighter. You’re unprepared.
What do you do?
A) [[Follow the trail (because you're obviously insane)]]
B) [[Call the Slobbler Hotline (1-800-GOO-B-GONE)]]
C) [[Panic, scream, and climb into a mailbox]]You follow the glistening green trail past the bus stop, under a suspiciously humming streetlamp, and around a raccoon that appears to be wearing night-vision goggles.
Suddenly, the trail ends... at your school.
Specifically, at the *principal’s office.*
You peek inside.
The principal is sitting at her desk, sipping tea... from a **giant slime-covered mug** with glowing runes.
She looks up slowly.
“Didn't expect to see you so soon, Agent Fink.”
You blink.
Did she just call you... *agent*?
A) [[Play it cool and say 'Slobbler secured. Initiating Phase B.']]
B) [[Run away screaming 'I’M NOT READY FOR THIS!']]
C) [[Ask her if she has any extra slime mugs.]]You dig out your Emergency Slobbler Tracker™ from your sock drawer and dial the secret hotline.
Ring... ring... ring...
“Thank you for calling the Slobbler Emergency Response Division,” says a robotic voice. “Please listen carefully, as our menu has recently been devoured.”
A) Press 1 to report a Slobbler sighting.
B) Press 3 to speak with someone who definitely isn’t a gecko in a trench coat.
C) Press 9 to initiate **THE ANTI-SLOBBlER PROTOCOL.**
A) [[Press 1]]
B) [[Press 3]]
C) [[Press 9]]You scream at full volume and leap into the nearest mailbox.
Unfortunately, it’s already occupied.
“HEY!” shouts a small goblin in a denim vest. “This is my panic spot!”
You apologize and try to leave, but the goblin hands you a moldy flashlight and says:
“If you’re here, it’s already too late. They’ve licked the security grid.”
You don’t know what that means, but you’re scared now.
“Take the tunnel,” he says, pointing to a slimy chute behind him.
A) [[Take the slime tunnel]]
B) [[Refuse and challenge the goblin to a sock duel]]
C) [[Ask if this is connected to the cheese conspiracy]]You play it cool.
“Slobbler secured. Initiating Phase B,” you say, standing at attention in front of the principal’s desk.
She nods and pulls a lever hidden under her slime mug.
The wall behind her slides open with a hiss of steam and the sound of distant goat bleats.
Inside is a glowing underground command center filled with blinking lights, slime tubes, and an animatronic hedgehog with a headset.
“Welcome to the Slobbler Situation Room,” she says. “You’re one of us now.”
She hands you a badge. It says:
**"SLOB Squad – Level 9 – Agent Arlo Fink"**
You’ve never felt prouder.
**🏆 YOU WIN!**
(And also smell vaguely like yogurt forever.)
[[Start]]As you sprint at high speed in the nearest available direction you realize that someone has tied your shoelaces together. You begin to stumble and fall flat on your face.
When you look up you see a goblin dressed in a full clown costume and make up with a gigantic red nose. He reaches up and squeezes red bulb and it screams, "LOSER!"
He then bonks you on the head with an oversized zucchini. You pass out and dream of vegetables.
Game over, Amigo.
[[Start]]You play it cool.
“Slobbler secured. Initiating Phase F,” you say, standing at attention in front of the principal’s desk.
She nods and pulls a lever hidden under her slime mug.
A small man with dark circles under his eyes, a pot belly, and a bald head emerges from underneath a podium. He begins to shout, "Narrright? M'Kay? M'Kay? Narright?" in a deep southern accent. This confused and frightens you.
“Welcome to the Slobbler Situation Room,” she says. “You’re one of us now.”
She hands you a badge. It says:
**"SLOB Squad – Level 10 – Agent Arlo Fink"**
You’ve never felt prouder.
**🏆 YOU WIN!**
[[Start]]You press 1.
A calm voice responds: “Please hold while we connect you to the regional Slobbler Response Team.”
Hold music begins. It’s... suspiciously funky. You bob your head.
Suddenly, your bedroom wall opens like an elevator door. A hazmat-suited agent steps out holding a glowing briefcase.
“Congratulations,” she says. “You’re the first citizen this week to correctly identify a Class 4 Slobbler Trail. By decree of the G.U.S.T.O. Act, you are now Slobbler Alert Captain for your entire zip code.”
She hands you a clipboard and a laser pointer shaped like a hotdog.
**🏆 YOU WIN**
(Also, your next 3 ham sandwiches will be tax-deductible.)
[[Start]]You press 3.
After a pause, someone whispers into the phone: “The mayonnaise has escaped containment. Do you confirm the wobble?”
You nervously answer “Yes?”
Suddenly, there’s a knock at your door.
Standing outside is a woman eating gummy bears, wearing a trench coat holding a briefcase and a half-eaten meatball sub.
“Package for... *The Listener,*” he says, eyes twitching.
You take the package. It hums.
You open it.
It’s full of mustard. You scream.
The woman disappears into the bushes, whistling “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” backwards.
**💀 YOU ARE FRINKLED**
[[Start]]You press 9.
Time stops.
The phone fuses to your ear. Your eyes glow orange. You can suddenly hear the thoughts of frogs.
A deep voice echoes in your mind: “You have initiated Protocol Nine. You are now... *the hotline.*”
Phones across the world begin ringing. On the other end of each one... is you.
Every time someone presses a button, you sneeze glitter.
Eventually you learn to live like this. You are honored. Feared. Slightly itchy.
You are now known only as:
**“The Operator.”**
**🌀 WEIRD ENDING UNLOCKED**
[[Start]]You nod solemnly and dive headfirst into the slime tunnel.
You slide for what feels like 47 minutes, passing murals of Slobbler battles, forgotten lunch trays, and one raccoon wedding.
You land in a soft pile of gym mats, face-to-face with a giant screen.
On it: surveillance footage of your school covered in slime—and a single Slobbler sneaking toward the front doors.
“Welcome, trainee,” says a robot voice. “You have successfully entered the Resistance.”
A medal descends from the ceiling and plops onto your head. It smells faintly of used sneakers.
**🏆 YOU WIN**
(And also have permanent tunnel hair.)
[[Start]]You raise your chin and say, “I don’t run from chaos goblins. I duel.”
The goblin grins.
He produces a sock. It’s... steaming.
You reach for your own emergency sock, but realize it’s still in the laundry. Classic.
He swings first.
Everything goes dark.
You awaken three hours later inside a lost and found bin wearing flip-flops and a shirt that says “I LOST THE SOCK DUEL.”
Your school now has a Slobbler mascot.
You’ve failed.
**💀 YOU GOT SLOBBLERED.**
[[Start]]You lean in. “Is this connected to the cheese conspiracy?”
The goblin gasps and slaps a panic button made from a grilled cheese sandwich.
The tunnel floor falls away. You tumble into a spinning room of cheddar-colored light.
A floating goat with a monocle appears.
“Welcome, Smelly One,” it intones. “The truth is sharp. The truth...it is pokey.”
You are suddenly wrapped in wax paper.
When you wake up, you’re on a deli shelf.
You are cheese now.
You are strangely okay with this.
**🌀 MOO! YOU ARE NOW CHEESE.**
[[Start]]You dig out your Emergency Slobbler Tracker™ from your sock drawer and dial the secret hotline.
Ring... ring... ring...
“Thank you for calling the Slobbler Emergency Response Division,” says a robotic voice. “Please listen carefully, as our menu has recently been devoured.”
A) Press 1 to report a Slobbler sighting.
B) Press 3 to speak with someone who definitely isn’t a gecko in a trench coat.
C) Press 9 to initiate **THE ANTI-SLOBBLER PROTOCOL.**
A) [[Press 1]]
B) [[Press 3]]
C) [[Press 9]]You play it cool.
A very strange man with marshmallows in his ears appears. He whispers, "Greetings, adventurer, are you ready to embark on a journey that will lead you to the dark bing bong of the ding dong poot? It's doing to be smelly. Bahahahahahahahah! Have a fudgetickle day!"
He presents you with a certificate of completion and a medal that says, "PARTICIPANT".
You’ve never felt prouder.
**🏆 YOU WIN!**
[[Start]]